Boos and Woo Hoos!!!!!

Since it is New Year’s Eve today I thought it was appropriate to take a cue from all the radio stations and TV networks out there and discuss my favorite (Woo Hoo!) and least favorite (BOO!) things of 2008. Feel free to agree or disagree with me and I would love to hear what your list would look like!

Boo!!! This stuff stinks.

1. Hancock. I was very excited to see this movie but somewhere in the middle of the film it took a very bad turn. I will not spoil it for those who have not seen it but those of you who have, know what I am talking about. It could have been a really good one too.

2. Mylie Cyrus. If I have to hear one more time about how this 15 year old girl is sending nudey photos of herself to young boys I am going to vom. She is 15 (now 16)! Plus, she is supposed to be a role model to all these young girls who love Hanna Montana. You guys thought Britney was bad, wait until this one gets older.

3. The Hills. What the heck is this crap? I mean, I admit I used to watch Laguna Beach but this show is so staged how they can call it reality baffles me. I think if they had just left it alone it would have been better. I am guilty of catching it every now and then when nothing else is on. Hey, at least I am honest

4. ASU Football. I am embarrassed to be alumni and have to endure each football season. Every year I am disappointed but this year was the worst. Why do they even get ranked? They always blow it and this year when they lost to UNLV just started a downward spiral. At least Carpenter will be gone.

5. Writer’s Strike. I had to resort to getting sucked into every stupid VHI Celebreality show on TV because there was no new sitcoms or dramas to watch. I also think some of my favorite shows got canceled due to it. Boo on you!

6. 1st Photo Radar ticket. Hey, at least it was a cute picture.

7. Digital Rap Voice. Does anyone know how to rap anymore? I mean every song has this creepy digital voice. TPain started all of this and it was cool in one song but now there are a herd of digital douches out there. Is that really all the talent out there these days? So annoying! Notorious and 2Pac por vida homies.

8. The Mom Bob. One girl in probably Kansas or Wisconsin got an asymmetrical bob and now everyone has the mom bob. Not everyone looks cute with a shaved neck and longer hair to their chin. You all look like soccer moms!!!! Not even the hot ones.

9. The Dirty. Okay, I love this website and the fact that it makes fun of people that try to be so cool when they really are douchenuggs but now I am so scared to go out anywhere in Oldtown. As most of you know I frequented Oldtown back in my heyday and actually love the nightlife (I love to boogie) but even the slightest chance my big boo-tay or real tatas (nice I might add) may end up on a website to be scrutinized scares me. Plus, I do not try to act cool, I know I am not cool. I actually do the opposite. I see how goofy, retarded, and completely embarrassing I can be rather than see how many dudes want to hop on the Krista train. WOO WOO!! We all know there would not be enough room for all of them anyway.

10. The Election. It wasn’t even the outcome but the fact that everywhere you turned you could not get away from it. Also, do not assume everyone under the age of 35 is a Democrat. I have been offended several times due to the fact everyone just assumes I am a Dem because I am young. Maybe it is because I do not feel like I have to push my views or make fun of people that do not party in my party. So in another 4 years, I hope you will try to be kind to your fun loving Republicans. Trust me, we are not ALL bad! I have some great friends that are Dems and they are awesome because they do not make me feel bad for what I believe and vice versa. We agree to disagree. Use some tact people.

Woo Hoo! I loves it!!

1.Youtube. I know this phenomenon has been around for awhile but I never really caught on until now. It is so cool! I love when I am in my cube coma and someone sends me an awesome clip. Some of my faves are: Hamster on a Piano, Montgomery Flea Market, PowerThirst, Tickle Me Emo, MadTV does Project Runway, Dramatic Chipmunk and Karaoke Fail (We can go on a secret rondayboo!). Oh yeah, and WHAT WHAT!! The Samuel version and the Butters version. So good! Oh Youtube, however would I get through the day without you?

2. Rock Band. I was late with this one too but it is so fun. I love having friends over and rockin out in my virtual band Unagi! If you have never played you need to make it your New Year’s resolution.

3.HIMYM. That is slang for How I Met Your Mother. If you have yet to see this show you have no idea what you are missing. My sister got me hooked on this show. You need to give it at least 3 episodes in a row and you will be hooked. My sister kept telling me it was good and I was always “It is alright.” But once I watched the 1st season DVDs it quickly became Legend wait for it Dary!! I have the first 2 seasons if you want to borrow them. I think this show is going to become crazy popular soon so you can say you watched it before everyone else. I know I can because I have been watching for sometime now! It is witty, funny, and ridiculous and with its flashbacks and flash forwards it keeps you watching closely. You will not be disappointed. ***Also check out Big Bang Theory that airs before HIMYM. It is about a bunch of geeks and is pretty hilarious.

4. Britney Spears. Okay, okay. I know! Everyone thinks she is crazy and hates her music. If I had a dollar for everyone that tells me how little talent she has I would no longer have to work. I am not skerred to admit that I am a fan. I love her! (my sister would kill me right now.) She is an entertainer and I cannot help to bop to the beat of her music. It reminds me of hanging out on the town with my friends and always puts me in a happy mood. It helped me invent my car dancing moves and no I am not embarrassed to do them alone. I am so happy that she is having a comeback. She looks better, she has a new album that went to #1 and she is staying out of controversy. Way to go Brit!

5. Babies. There are babies seeping out of the walls right now. Everyone I know is having babies, just had a baby, or is trying to have a baby. It is so fun and exciting to see people starting their families. I have never been a big fan of babies or children because frankly I have never really been around them so this should be interesting. I have a feeling I am going to learn a lot and maybe even learn to like the little boogers.

6. The Secret. I know you have probably heard of this or seen it on Oprah but it is not as cheesy at it looks. I am pretty skeptical of things but once I read this book I could not help to think that they may have something here. If anything it teaches you not to think negatively about yourself or others and to think positively. Cannot go wrong with that!

7.Tights. I love that I see girls and women wearing them everywhere. They look so cute with a sweater dress or skirt. I even have some of my own (Thanks VA). Get some and you can be cool like me :)

8. Wednesdays. I do not have to work. I love that I have the option to work 4/10 hour days and I get every Wednesday off. The days are long but that one day I get off is completely worth it. I sleep in, grocery shop with the blue hairs, and watch all my shows I recorded snuggled on my couch. Plus, I never work more than 2 days in a row, think about…yeah…awesome!

9. Barry the cat. I know you all know I got a cat but did I mention he is the coolest cat of all time? He talks to me, cuddles with me, plays with me, and isn’t creepy and weird like a normal cat. I love that I have a fuzzy little pet to greet me when I get home. He loves me, what can I say?

10. Washington DC. Oh my goodness, this place is amazing! My sister moved to the DC area about a year ago so I finally went out to visit her family in October. This city surpassed all the positive things I had heard about it. I went to Manassas, Mt. Vernon, Arlington Cemetery, Archives building, Holocaust Museum, Spy Museum, Natural History Museum, Capitol Building, Lincoln Memorial, Korean War Memorial, Vietnam Memorial, National Monument, The National Cathedral, Great Falls, and Georgetown just to name a few. I love to learn and this was the most I have ever learned in such a short time. I love that I have now seen all the things that are always in movies and on TV with my own eyes. The appreciation I have for my country and those who fought and founded it doubled. If you have never been, I say you need to book your tickets now! The bonus of it all is that all the museums are free. It was truly amazing, not to mention that I had gracious hosts/tour guides, fantastic sangria and doggles to snuggle with.

***2008 colliding with 2009 Honorable Mention: The Arizona Cardinals are going to the playoffs. We finally have some football to root for here at home. Please be kind and root for Kurt Warner and the AZ Cardinals. Hopefully they will not let us down.

So that is my list. I just want you all to look back on this year and think of the good, forget the bad, and make 2009 everything you know it should be. You have the power to live the life you want and you should never want anyone’s life but your own. I know I am enjoying mine, especially with the support and fun times with family and friends. Happy New Year and see you in 2009… hungover I hope. Remember, greasy meal, Gatorade, and Jamba Juice with a Vita Boost. Works everytime.

Walking Tailgaters = Rude

I have to be at work at the buttcrack. Not the buttcrack of dawn, so early I literally feel like buttcrack. I am up a tad before 5am in the morning and out the door by 5:45. I pull into work a little after 6 and since I have an awesome blue parking permit I get VIP parking. So I am getting out of my car this morning grabbing my lunch, workout bag, purse all while trying to not to fall over and lock my car. I see a dude, an older gentleman with an awesome member's jacket, lurking slowly past my car. It is a little too early to lurk in my book. So I start walking slowly behind, not in front so he doesn't focus on my girly bits. I walk slowly and keep a safe distance from the lurker because I hate tailgaters and this guy is walking very slowly. You know those people, tailgaters? I hate them. You are already walking fast but for some reason the person behind you is the speed walking champion of the world. They are so close you can almost feel their stinky breath on you and the clunking of their heels gets louder and sometimes you hear a sigh of annoyance because apparently you didn't get the memo on the speed limit minimum when entering into the workplace that day. I hate those people with a passion. Where they are going is no more important than where I am going so I refuse to be one of those people, even to creepy lurkers. When someone I am walking behind chooses to walk slower than I would like, I keep a safe distance so I do not implement that I am better and where I am going is way more important than where they are headed.

Being that I initially had a safe distance from him, I was shocked to see the lurky man step aside to let me pass him on our way to the parking garage stairs. I do this sometimes but I make it blatantly obvious to the people that tailgate me to show them that I know what they are doing and it is rude. I sometimes even couple it with a hand gesture telling them that I am allowing them to go by. "After you...arsehole of the universe. Sorry your life sucks so badly because mine is the bees!" Do bees actually have knees? I wonder...hmmm...maybe I should get in my time machine and go back to the 1920's to figure this out. Maybe bees have evolved since the phrase was created back then and bees with knees went extinct. Ponder for a moment... (Tangents, they happen.) Anyways, I pass the guy and I am heading to the stairs and the lurker starts walking super fast and tailgating me. Why!? Why did he do this!? He was going slowly and I was being kind and keeping a safe distance and then he starts following me, closely. I could hear the stomping of his Velcro pro-wings shoes getting louder as we headed towards the building Was he annoyed with me and was out for vengeance? Did he all of a sudden decide that he had something fierce brewing from below and needed to find a bathroom fast? Did he figure out he was late or was he being creepy and following me? He did this all the way into work. I about did the step aside but it was too early in the morning for me. I mean I had a cute pencil skirt on today but I figured it was too early for anyone to notice, let alone stalk me to the elevator.

How do you feel about walking tailgaters? What do you do when this happens to you? And what the eff was this dude's deal?

Meet Barry the cat!!!

Well, something pretty ironic happened. After posting about my fears of getting a cute and cuddly animal to add to my household, it made me want one even more. Knowing that I would never have the time or energy to get and train a dog, although they are my favorite in the "pet" category, I decided to look for a kitten. I work 11 hour days so there was no way a dog could stay alone that long, plus cats are very self sufficient.

Being that I am a dog person, the thought of getting a cat scares me. They creep around the house, act aloof, do not love and cuddle. These are all things that I do not like about cats. Dogs are always happy to see you and they follow you everywhere which I think is adorable. Knowing this, I always heard that orange tabby cats had the best personalities. Thinking back to the cats I have known in my life, I would have to agree. An orange tabby named Lucky used to always hangout at my sister's house. He would welcome her home as she drove into the driveway, he wasn't scared or taunting of her dogs, and he was known to occasionally come inside to say "what's up!” Then there is Derks. Derks belongs to very good friends of mine and he has earned the nickname of the “Ambassador”. People who generally do not like cats absolutely love Derks. He comes when he is called, he is excited to see you, and he plops right on your lap. So, I decided the search was on for my own little orange kitty.

Being that I have several friends and family who are big in animal rights, I knew that the first place to start looking for my new addition would be from shelters or rescue groups. I went on Petfinder.com and filled out the search for a male orange tabby (true orange tabbies are only male). To my surprise 3 popped up on the top of the list. They were 3 orange tabby brothers whose mom was saved by a foster mom. She was found preggo and she had her babies in foster care. I clicked on all their pictures and they were all so cute! I rapidly emailed the director of the rescue group, Fairytails. She got back to me right away and said that the trio was out for adoption at one of the Petsmart locations. I immediately grabbed my stuff and I was off. Petsmart closes at 6 and it was 5:15. Scared that they would all be adopted, to my surprise they were all still there!

The lady brought me into a small little room and let them loose. I have always heard the animal picks the owner so that is what I was going with. I was just going to simply sit there and see which one picked me. One of them completely ignored me. I do not think he even cared I was there. FAIL! The darker of the three came over to sniff me then got bored quickly and left me. FAIL! Then finally the smallest of the 3 jumped on my lap and laid down and started purring. BINGO! We have a winner. They were all cute so that didn't matter. From that moment I was now a cat mom.

My little kitty is adapting well to my home. He cuddles with me on the couch while I watch TV. He sleeps with me through the entire night, sometimes on my head. He follows me everywhere and watches me get ready in the morning. He is everything that I love in a dog! I will keep you updated on the little one, but as of now he is perfect for me 

The cutest thing ever!!

There are few things in this world that I would actually let live with me. Do not get me wrong, I love pets but for some reason I cannot commit to one. They are soft, cute, and loyal but they have hair, stinky breath and poop all the time. Wondering what I should do about this, since my first idea of just not feeding the pet so it doesn't poop got canned for obvious reasons, left me pondering my options.

People have mentioned that I should get a fish but they are just too boring and I feel like they are always looking at me. Someone else mentioned a turtle, but again, kind of defeats the purpose although they are pretty cute when they are munchin on some veggies.

So, thinking that all my options are narrowing until I can commit to the "big one", a kitty or a puppy, I found it! I found the perfect pet! It is smart, cute as hell, doesn't poop, eat, and it will even help me around the house. What is this glorious pet you might ask? It comes in the form of a tiny, environmentally friendly robot.! Yes, my friends, I am getting a WALL-E! I mean have you ever seen anything cuter? It seriously was love at first sight. I just wanted to reach my little hands into the TV and scoop him up on my lap. He even collects Sporks, my favorite eating utensil. Those people at Taco bell are geniuses. I wonder why the spork revolution never took off...hmmm... (pondering)....it is a spoon and a fork...a twofer. Awesome.

He loves to dance and sing. He loves to collect and fix things. His voice is the sweetest thing I have ever heard. He is the perfect pet! Plus, did I mention how freakin cute I think he is!? Seriously I almost cannot take it. By the 50th time he
said "EVE-A!" I thought my head was going to pop off due to cuteness overload. He is like a less annoying combination of ET and Number 5. Dude...that movie, Short Circuit, remember that one? 80's movies are so freaking retarded but fantastical at the same time. The only problem is, where do I get a WALL-E? Anyone? Bueller? ...Awe shucks! :(

What is wrong with you!!??

Okay, okay! I know it has been awhile since I have posted anything on here. Although, I do have a good excuse, I will try to be better about it. I was actually teaching my very first Master's level course so that kept me quite busy as well as I was just not feeling motivated by anything...until it happened. I know this has happened to you several times and every time it does you cannot help to think "What is wrong with you people!!!???"

So, there I is was experiencing my daily cube coma (cube coma: The state of physically being within the confines of a cubical at work but mentally being on a beach in the South of France while your hot cocktail waiter Jean Luc serves you champagne, making out with that hot dude from that one show, trying to figure out how they get those ships in those tiny bottles or why no matter what you do you still get that crap in the corners of your eyes.) When all of a sudden the trials of my morning coffee drinking had caught up to me...I had to pee. Most of you know that once I have to go, I have to go. I can hold it as well as a man with no arms trying to hold onto...well...anything. So I discreetly stand up and I was off to the restroom. Meanwhile passing by everyone and blurting out what an outstanding morning I was having and taking glorious compliments on my outfit for the day (they cannot help it, I dress really cute for work, no joke man). Then there it was, the door with the blue plaque and the stick woman, she knew what was up.

There is nothing I love more than walking into an empty restroom on a floor full of a woman. It really puts a smile to my face. Seriously, my life is that lame. So I pick my stall, not the first or last one and not the one directly in the middle to make sure I am not breaking any etiquette rules. I am all set to do my business and the creek of the door suddenly echoes through my peaceful bathroom. Whatever, no biggie but then the worst thing happened. The Miley Cyrus of annoying things. I mean you did not think it could get any more annoying than High School Musical and then Miley Cyrus somehow ceases to exist. What is up with her gums and her 80 year old man smoker voice? Creepy. Not only was I enjoying my alone time, but the person decides the best thing to do in an almost empty, 8 stall bathroom, is to choose the stall directly to my right. Really? Do you really have to share that much of yourself with me? Do you really think that this was the best choice for you in this moment in time? I cannot seem to understand why she would even want to have this experience with me when there were so many other options. You think this is bad enough...it gets even worse.

The toilet paper rolls in my work bathroom are super noisy. They clank and jingle while I am trying to get just the right ratio of toilet paper. It is a loud noise, so it had been told that when people are pinching off a loaf in secrecy, they use this noise to cover up any crude noises that might come from their nether regions. The problem with this is that when there is excess clanking and jingling coming from a stall, you know. Everyone knows. It basically puts a large neon sign above that stall that says "Noise Please. Poop in progress." while streamers, balloons and Whitney Houston's "I will Always Love you" blares out of the bathroom. The extra clanking has also been known to be coupled with the courtesy cough or on even rarer occasions, conversations on the telephone. My friends, family, and boyfriend all love listening to me as I get invaded by the poopachee tribe (poopachee tribe: the grumbly, crampy feeling that is sometimes associated with a hangover, drinking too much Starbucks coffee, eating at Heart Attack Grill or Filiberto’s that causes a sudden attack on your stomach similar to those in the 1700s between the Patriots and Native Americans...you had it coming. You polluted the land and killed the buffalo. Okay, maybe not a buffalo but your "land" is definitely polluted.)

So, my question is, what is wrong with you people!!!???" Why do people think that it is necessary to pick a stall right next me while they sing Christmas Carols with Hanky the Christmas Poo?
Not only that, why do they feel it is necessary to wait until they get to work to do their business. Are they short on T.P. at home? Did they eat a rotten bagel for breakfast? All I know is that there are some social norms and rules in the bathroom and one of them is that when there is only one person in the bathroom, you leave at least one stall in between. Guys know what I am talking about. This goes back to ancient times for them when urinals were just bushes. The caveman knew to always leave 1 bush in between or he got clubbed to death.

My friend, I ask you this, is there anything you can think of that is similar to this? Is there something that people do and you just have to shake your head and ask yourself "What is wrong with you people?"

Bumper Stickers: A Dying Breed...Thank Goodness

It doesn’t seem that nowadays we see too many bumper stickers on cars unless it is an election year. I remember seeing all the “Bush is Lame”, “Gore did NOT invent the internet”, “Hilary looks like a man” and “Who is this Kerry guy anyways?” bumper stickers around. Okay, not really, I made those up but my point is that there is a better chance of seeing bumper stickers around elections. Why are people so open to share their political views anyways? I would rather talk about my bowel movements than what party I like to party in (Paaaw-tay!!). I think we forget sometimes that bumper stickers were invented to actually cover ugly booboos on cars. Fortunately for everyone, the world caught on to the fact that it actually drew more attention to the dent on the car. Hmmmm…who was the genius to finally realize that neon yellow smiley faces or Grateful Dead bears were attention drawing. By any means, the bumper sticker is a dying breed unless you include elections and teenagers trying to make their 1990 Geo Tracker look cool with band stickers and bunnies sticking their fingers in their noses. I am in no way dissing on the Tracker, I totally wanted one when I was 16. They were all small and teal with a super cool brushed purple logo of “Tracker” painted on the side. Sorry for the tangent. I tend to do that so bear with me.

I was driving home from work the other day and I saw a bumper sticker that I think is the absolute worst of all time. I know you have seen them, maybe you laughed, maybe you thought it was dumb or you may in fact looked at it as witty somehow. I did not. I looked at this bumper sticker and thought to myself “This is exactly the reason I do not like people.” It was not sexist or racist. It was not childish or offensive. It just plain didn’t make any sense. It was the bumper sticker that I cannot stand above all bumper stickers. If it had a name it would be Michael Moore that is how much I hate it. It said “My schnauzer is smarter than your honor student.” Really? Lady in the blue van, you really think that your little grey furry dog is smarter than somebody’s honor roll student?

Now I do realize that dogs are smart. I absolutely love dogs and I am all for people treating their dogs like children. I understand completely. They are cuddly and cute. They do not talk back or fight with you. They are loyal and in some cases they actually have jobs and help society. I am as big of a dog fan as the next person but I still think that is the dumbest bumper sticker of all time. Does she really think her schnauzer is smarter than a child? Is she that mad at those parents who are happy to support their children’s accomplishments? I realize that the school systems are not up to par these days, that is a whole other blog, but can you honestly say a dog is smarter than a child? I understand the honor student bumper stickers are annoying too but at least it makes sense.

So, what do you think of those bumper stickers? Do you have a bumper sticker that you see and think “that idiot really put that on their car?”

BTW-I am totally not down for the window stickers that list everyone in the whole flippin family along with dogs, cats, birds, fish and house plants. I love it when the entire rear window is covered with stick people because I was totally dying to know what all the names of the people riding inside the car were.

That is right up there with the “In Memory” window stickers. If something bad should happen to me, I do not want you to honor me by putting my name in old English on your low rider. I appreciate the gesture but I’m all good.

Zach Morris Rules...Or So I Thought

I have never considered myself very technically savvy so the idea of getting a cell phone like everyone else where you can download music, play motion sensitive video games, touch screen, email and internet access scared me a little. I barely knew what texting was a year ago and the T9 function took a couple of months to get used to. I was fine with my Zach Morris sized phone, or ZM for short. You know, the episode where Zach called Slater when he was up to no good and told Slater to meet him at The Max...oh wait...that was every episode. All the same, it was large which made it easy to find, it had rubber bumpers on the side so when I threw my phone in a fit of rage it would just bounce off the wall and most importantly it was easy.

My poor Zach Morris phone almost drowned this summer in the pool but luckily I saved it and after it dried out, it miraculously worked again. Ever since the almost drowning, the battery has barely held a charge. On top of that, my cell phone charger decided to act up. I would have to jam the plug in and tilt the phone just right to get a charge. I hated to admit it…but it was time for a new phone.

Since my company gets a 20% discount at AT&T I decided to start there. I looked at all the phones, all better than my ZM. Slidey ones, flip up ones, big fat ones, red ones, blue ones. I didn’t know what to do! I am already such an indecisive person that this is not a good situation to be in, especially when I have no knowledge about this kind of stuff. Then, peering around the corner, I saw it. It was like a ray of sunshine had broken through the clouds and it was shining on a phone…THE phone. I even think doves flew out behind it with Enya’s “Only Time” playing in the background. What was it you ask? The almighty iphone.

The thought of ever getting a cell phone of such proportions never crossed my mind in the least. What would I do with it? Who would teach me to use it? And the most important question the frugal girl asks is, do I really need this? The answer was yes. Yes I did need it. It was all shiny and cute. You just touch it and it goes to the internet, the real internet! Not some contorted form of the internet. I could play Elton John at a moments notice. I could play Mario Bros (1, 2 and 3) when my heart desired. At this time my friends, there was no turning back.

My little greedy fingers didn’t hesitate at the least to find my credit card. I could not wait any longer – I MUST HAVE iPHONE!!!! Then it happened. The evil man at the other side of the counter told me the worst news; I had to wait 2-3 weeks for my phone. What? Wait? Fine. It was totally worth it. I was going to take over the world with my awesome new phone. Muwahahahahaha!

The waiting was horrible. I felt like a possessive girlfriend. I would check the tracking number every hour to see if had been shipped. Then once shipped I would see where it was and what it was doing there. Then finally it happened. They called and my baby had arrived. Yippee!!

I took it out of the box and started playing with it immediately but I forgot one little thing, I know about as much about computer stuff as I know about being normal. Good thing I had people to help me. I love my new phone. It sings to me, it tells me the scores to the game and what time the movie is playing. It tells me where the nearest Starbucks and Mexican restaurant is. We play racing and guitar hero games together. We my friend, are in love. super duper love.

You may be wondering “Krista, what did you do with old ZM?” It took awhile to get over and a tear to say goodbye. Who am I kidding? No it didn’t. That phone sucked and this one is the coolest of all time!!! It is like when girl is so in love with a guy and never think she will fall in love again then the clouds part and Mr. Perfect arrives. Once Mr. Perfect is there you start forgetting why you loved the old dude so much. Why did I love ZM so much? Although it had its purpose, it was time to move on and I did just that. I finally knew what everyone was talking about. Although ZM will be missed, I hope you will all embrace iphone. I think you will like it as much as I do!!

Driving on a Donut = Loads of Fun

Most of you know that I had the fantastic experience of a flat tire on the 143 last Wednesday. I hate the feeling of your normally smooth, quiet car all of a sudden sounding like a 1978 Gremlin. Not knowing what to do and having nowhere to pull over I just kept on driving…and driving. This is probably not the best thing to do when you get a flat tire but I figured unless I wanted to get taken out by a stay at home mom on her cell phone with her 4 kids screaming in the back of the van, I should find a safe place to pull over.

If you have ever been on the 143 southbound you will notice that there is not much of a shoulder to pull over on. I tried to pull over as far as I could. Then of course I do what all women do, I called a man to come rescue me.

Once he had arrived I noticed that he too was practically still in the freeway so I told him to stay in the car. He was nice enough to call the police so we could have a cop, or highway patrolman if you will, warn traffic for the 5 minutes it would take to change the tire. The cop was very nice and helpful and I was appreciative that we had survived such a horrendous ordeal. (haha)

I now had the most radical thing on my car, a donut! Not only are they a scrumptious morning treat, they look ridiculously funny on a normal sized car. I will admit that when I am driving around and I see other people with a donut on their car, I giggle a little. It is just so funny. It is like when someone trips and pretends nobody saw them. But you saw them and although you feel bad for them, it is still pretty funny. Well, on Wednesday that person was me.

Knowing that I had a tiny tire on my car and cannot go much faster than 40mph it is really scary trying to pullout in front of cars racing to get home after work. I finally saw my window and slowly pulled onto the freeway, “donut style”. Then sure enough, there she was. A little nasty B that had to be all up on my donut. Could she not see that one of my rear tires was abnormally smaller than the rest? Not only that, I had my hazards on. She is riding my bum bum so close I do not even see the hood of her car and all I see is a young chick on her cell phone with arms flying in all directions gesturing me to hurry up.

If any of you know me, you know that this is not an ideal situation to put me in. My Italian temper combined with my distaste for valley traffic on top of a flat tire was just about enough for me to roll down my window and show this girl what I thought of her. I felt a lot better after that. Like I already didn’t feel dumb enough with the stupid thing on my car she had to go ahead and push me over the edge.

I did make it home safely and not too frazzled. Thankfully I had immediate dinner plans so my friend drove me to dinner and I had a drinky-poo to settle my nerves. So kids, the moral of this story is if you see a car going slow in front of you, please check to see if one of the tires is all Beetlejuiced, especially if their hazards are on. I do give you permission to giggle…as long as it is not me J

Fresh and Easy...I like to call it Not So Fresh and Lame-O

So, sitting at work in my little cubicle I always am immersed in listening to the “chick talk” in the office. There are many great conversations that are going on around me but being a food lover I tend to gravitate towards the ones involving food. I overheard a couple of women in the office talking up a new grocery store I have seen called Fresh and Easy. You may have seen them; they are now popping up everywhere. The new CVS if you will. One day there was none, and now there are about a billion. One of the women was saying how magnificent this place was and how fabulous she thought it was. This reared my curiosity to new levels. Although I do not understand conversations about low fat diets, Pirate Booty or vegetables, I do understand the universal language of saving a buck.

I get flyers in my mail every week from Fresh and Easy and they always include a coupon for $5 off of $20. Being the coupon lover that I am, I cut them out save them but have yet to use them. Already curious about this new place, I got a flyer with a deal for a grill pack for $4.99. I am the most frugal person I know so reading that I could get 8 pieces of chicken, 4 hamburger patties and 4 Italian sausages for that price I was knocking down people in my apartment complex to drive to buy these so called grill packs.

On my way to the store I was thinking of all the glorious meals I could make with the grill pack. Chili cheese burgers, chicken casseroles, spaghetti and sausage! The possibilities were endless. Not only that, if I spent $20 I would save $5! This is the frugal girl’s dream. What I learned was that it was not so fresh and not so easy.

Pulling up to the store I grabbed a cart and noticed that the place was no larger than a Walgreens. Although the parking lot was empty, the place was full. It was full with everyone else who wanted the coveted grill pack. When I walked through the automatic doors, David Blaine style, I saw it. What was staring at me was an empty refrigerator bin where the grill packs used to be. It was staring at me, taunting me. I had that screechy music playing in my head like when Al Pacino or “Tony” if you will, saw his sister dancing in the club in Scarface. I know how marketing works and I realize that they do this crap to get people to go into the store. That is all good but you have to impress them once they are there. Not build up there hopes and dreams of all the meaty goodness one could ever want for $4.99 and crush them.

Since I get over things fairly easily, I snapped out of my meat loving rage and decided to check the place out since I was here. I mean I still had a coupon for $5 off and that is still pretty awesome. Filling my cart with some necessities, all more expensive than Fry’s and not Fresher or Easier, I decided to check out. Instead of cashiers, all they have is a bunch of self checkout stands. This, again, is not easier. Standing there, checking out my own groceries I noticed that I was all done but my total was only $18.74 and I needed it to add up to $20 to use the coupon. Shit!!! I ran from my stand and grabbed the first thing in sight, a bag of onions and can of pinto beans. I did not need this crap? I hate onions. Stupid store.

Thankfully my experience was done. I left feeling a little violated like I just got locked in a closet with a clown and we somehow switched outfits in the dark. All I know is that there is a reason I do not consider myself a normal person because I generally do not like things that everyone else likes, thank goodness. I in no way liked this place and everyone in the office just raves about it.

Bottom line, Fresh and Easy sucks Monkey nads.