I have to be at work at the buttcrack. Not the buttcrack of dawn, so early I literally feel like buttcrack. I am up a tad before 5am in the morning and out the door by 5:45. I pull into work a little after 6 and since I have an awesome blue parking permit I get VIP parking. So I am getting out of my car this morning grabbing my lunch, workout bag, purse all while trying to not to fall over and lock my car. I see a dude, an older gentleman with an awesome member's jacket, lurking slowly past my car. It is a little too early to lurk in my book. So I start walking slowly behind, not in front so he doesn't focus on my girly bits. I walk slowly and keep a safe distance from the lurker because I hate tailgaters and this guy is walking very slowly. You know those people, tailgaters? I hate them. You are already walking fast but for some reason the person behind you is the speed walking champion of the world. They are so close you can almost feel their stinky breath on you and the clunking of their heels gets louder and sometimes you hear a sigh of annoyance because apparently you didn't get the memo on the speed limit minimum when entering into the workplace that day. I hate those people with a passion. Where they are going is no more important than where I am going so I refuse to be one of those people, even to creepy lurkers. When someone I am walking behind chooses to walk slower than I would like, I keep a safe distance so I do not implement that I am better and where I am going is way more important than where they are headed.
Being that I initially had a safe distance from him, I was shocked to see the lurky man step aside to let me pass him on our way to the parking garage stairs. I do this sometimes but I make it blatantly obvious to the people that tailgate me to show them that I know what they are doing and it is rude. I sometimes even couple it with a hand gesture telling them that I am allowing them to go by. "After you...arsehole of the universe. Sorry your life sucks so badly because mine is the bees!" Do bees actually have knees? I wonder...hmmm...maybe I should get in my time machine and go back to the 1920's to figure this out. Maybe bees have evolved since the phrase was created back then and bees with knees went extinct. Ponder for a moment... (Tangents, they happen.) Anyways, I pass the guy and I am heading to the stairs and the lurker starts walking super fast and tailgating me. Why!? Why did he do this!? He was going slowly and I was being kind and keeping a safe distance and then he starts following me, closely. I could hear the stomping of his Velcro pro-wings shoes getting louder as we headed towards the building Was he annoyed with me and was out for vengeance? Did he all of a sudden decide that he had something fierce brewing from below and needed to find a bathroom fast? Did he figure out he was late or was he being creepy and following me? He did this all the way into work. I about did the step aside but it was too early in the morning for me. I mean I had a cute pencil skirt on today but I figured it was too early for anyone to notice, let alone stalk me to the elevator.
How do you feel about walking tailgaters? What do you do when this happens to you? And what the eff was this dude's deal?
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2 comments:
Maybe it was your Guardian Angel trying to keep up with you. Good thing you didn't put forth any hand gestures, that would have set you way back!
Hmmmm....this is a tough one! I know you well and I know that you were most definitely keeping a safe distance as to not appear to be tailgating! So I am stumped as to why this guy would do the move aside, and then tailgate you! I want to assume that it was the cute pencil skirt and the "goods" that were keeping him close behind you :)
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